I just realised that in all my busy-ness, I have overlooked things and people who are dear to me.
Sorry my mortal.
:(

Song of the moment.

Twentysomething

by Jamie Cullum

After years of expensive education
A car full of books and anticipation
I’m an expert on Shakespeare and that’s a hell of a lot
But the world don't need scholars as much as I thought

Maybe I'll go travelling for a year
Finding myself or start a career
I could work for the poor though I’m hungry for fame
We all seem so different but we're just the same

Maybe I'll go to the gym, so I don't get fat
Aren't things more easy with a tight six pack?
Who knows the answers? Who do you trust?
I can't even separate love from lust

Maybe I’ll move back home and pay off my loans
Working nine to five answering phones
Don't make me live for my friday nights
Drinking eight pints and getting in fights

I don't want to get up, just let me lie in
Leave me alone, I'm a twentysomething

Maybe I'll just fall in love that could solve it all
Philosophers say that that’s enough
There surely must be more
Ooooh

Love ain’t the answer nor is work
The truth eludes me so much it hurts
But I’m still having fun and I guess that's the key
I'm a twentysomething and I'll keep being me

doh dah duh dah, do duh dah dah dah
doh dah duh dah, do duh dah dah dah
doh dah duh dah, do duh dah dah dah
doh dah duh dah, do duh dah dah dah

I’m a twentysomething
Let me lie in, Leave me alone
I’m a twentysomething

doh dah duh dah, do duh dah dah dah
doh dah duh dah, do duh dah dah dah
doh dah duh dah, do duh dah dah dah
doh dah duh dah, do duh dah dah dah

[I heard this song for the first time recently, while Eric gave me a lift home one night. I was surprised that Eric had this cheeky song in his iPod and I thought the song really strikes a chord in me. Ah, I'm a quarter-centenarian after all.]

isaura thinks.

I do think that a problem that can be solved by money is not a problem. But what if money itself is the problem?

I do think that it is not difficult to save money. But what if you're spending more money inadvertently while you save money?

Not too long ago, I bought a T-shirt on www.threadless.com, named "Biggie Was Right", which had a design on the front that looks like this:

I did think the design is clever. But apparently Money and Problems are both directly and inversely proportional to each other. They have a love-hate relationship. A paradox. 

I did think that Biggie was right. But apparently Biggie was equivocal too.

为爱，我就是这样。

黑裙子

by 张芸京

词：林文炫 曲：胡彦斌

天边的那朵云要去哪里流浪
如果有答案要记得跟我讲
谁的爱放在假日的市场
讨价还价拍卖着它的重量

穿着白色西装的紫乌鸦
站在那里不停地鼓掌
就要下雨 你的自尊要逃向何方
是男是女 随便你要怎么想

只为他穿过一次的黑裙子
深深锁在记忆的墙
写好的遗言 也要用力唱
祭拜我们为了爱得疯狂

只为他穿过一次的黑裙子
还在风中荡
黑指甲短头发 有些话不用讲
为爱~~ 我就是这样

穿着白色西装的紫乌鸦
站在那里不停地鼓掌
就要下雨 你的自尊要逃向何方
是男是女 随便你要怎么想

只为他穿过一次的黑裙子
深深锁在记忆的墙
写好的遗言 也要用力唱
祭拜我们 为了爱得疯狂

只为他穿过一次的黑裙子
还在风中荡
黑指甲短头发 有些话不用讲
为爱~~

只为他穿过一次的黑裙子
还在风中荡
黑指甲短头发 有些话不用讲
为爱~~ 我就是这样

[钢琴版在youtube中的文案是这么写的：
第一届超级偶像冠军张芸京，新专辑5/8即将发行，首波主打歌「黑裙子」

每个女生心中 都有一条「黑裙子」。「黑裙子」代表一段回忆、一段无法磨灭的青春，可能无法告诉别人 ，但是每个人都可从芸京的歌中找到自己。张芸京表示：烧掉黑裙子的仪式代表挥別不愉快的过去。每个人都不应该被这个世界框住，为了爱，就是要坚持！

(In English, just so that others understand cos I don't want anyone to miss hearing such a great song and such a moving voice)

The following was the promotional passage found on Youtube, along with the piano version of the song:

Chang Yun-jing, winner of the inaugural Super Idol contest, will release her first album on May 8. Her first single is titled "Black Skirt"

Every girl has a "black skirt" in her heart. The "black skirt" represents a memory, an indelible youth that may be untold to others, however everyone can find herself in Chang Yun-jing's songs. She said, "Burning the black skirts symbolises bidding farewell to an unhappy past. No one should be bound or restricted by the world. We must persist for love!]

用我的歌带你去旅行～wanderlust.～

用我的歌带你去旅行

by 田伟鸿 (George Chan)

(from 天冷就回来 音乐舞台剧原声专辑)

词曲：梁文福

我没有钱带你去东京
看那春天来时富士山景
但是我可以用那雪溶的声音
轻轻轻轻溶化你

我没有钱带你去意大利
看那威尼斯的波光掠影
但是我可以用那划桨的柔情
wo 轻轻轻轻摇晃你

我可以 sha la la la la la 灌醉你
用我那轻轻的歌带你旅行
披一身 wo wo wo 带着那 yeah yeah yeah
只要你轻轻轻轻闭上眼睛
我可以 sha la la la la la 灌醉你
乘坐我歌声经过四季旅行
只要你 wo wo wo 随着我 yeah yeah yeah
全世界旋转在我怀里

我没有钱带你去法兰西
看那香榭里舍热闹人群
但是我可以用那塞纳河浪漫旋律
轻轻轻轻拍击你

我没有钱带你去北京
看那长城外的风光旖旎
但是我可以用那长城的坚毅
wo 轻轻轻轻守护你

我可以 sha la la la la la 灌醉你
用我那轻轻的歌带你旅行
披一身 wo wo wo 带着那 yeah yeah yeah
只要你轻轻轻轻闭上眼睛
我可以 sha la la la la la 灌醉你
乘坐我歌声经过四季旅行
只要你 wo wo wo 随着我 yeah yeah yeah
全世界旋转在我怀里

[《天冷就回来》这出舞台剧我一共看了两次，而这首歌给我留下最深刻的印象。后来我在网上搜索资料，发现原来这首歌的原唱者竟然是徐乃麟！:O 可惜的是无论我怎么搜索都还是找不到原曲的版本。
我喜欢这首歌中那股淡淡的休闲感，营造了一种悠哉闲哉的氛围。这首歌勾起了我不久前（四月）那股强烈得无法抗拒的wanderlust，那股强烈得让我在之后的那个星期就独自到越南河内去旅行的wanderlust。]

For a selection of pictures from my Vietnam venture, please visit the following link on Facebook:

http://www.facebook.com/photos.php?id=654473168

:)

Somehow, a part of me is no longer the same.

Yesterday when PH went to the Gents', Joey told me, "Sometimes, I'd think that Ishi is away in a very faraway and secluded beach, where he cannot be contacted anymore. Maybe that is how I regard death."

I did not tell Joey how I regarded death. If I did, I would've told her that to me, Ishi is in a very long and deep sleep, finally resting after a long and tiring ______.

In recent weeks when I had my days off, I happened to catch a few episodes here and there of a Channel 8 drama serial aired in the afternoon, named "Rainbow Connection (舞出彩虹)“, which he was acting in during the time we were conceptualising our FYP. My mum recognised him on TV, and she lamented about what a pity it was that he has passed away.

I was never very close to Ishi but somehow, almost 2 years down the road, I realised that a part of me is no longer the same. I can't put a finger to it.

*****

I wish to quote a very recent conversation I had with Jasmine, where I shared with her plan for next weekend:

jas: irritants..dieeee! says: (12:31:45 AM)

when are u planning to go

isaura::: wanderlust says: (12:31:53 AM)

next weekend

isaura::: wanderlust says: (12:31:54 AM)

:P

jas: irritants..dieeee! says: (12:32:00 AM)

WAH

jas: irritants..dieeee! says: (12:32:03 AM)

so spontaneous!

isaura::: wanderlust says: (12:32:07 AM)

either setting off on thurs/fri, returning on mon/tues

isaura::: wanderlust says: (12:32:12 AM)

yaaa very random right

isaura::: wanderlust says: (12:32:35 AM)

this week, i was like, i'm feeling so sdkjghlkghlsdfgh about life, feel like going away somewhere

isaura::: wanderlust says: (12:32:56 AM)

so the idea popped up, since i haven't done solo trips before

isaura::: wanderlust says: (12:33:12 AM)

i'm still qt open to the idea of travelling with eric la

isaura::: wanderlust says: (12:33:32 AM)

but this time round, i'm going even if he isn't going

isaura::: wanderlust says: (12:34:30 AM)

at first i tot of bali (since i haven't been there).... then i read an ST article abt london 5d4n where one can spend less than S$100 per day, and i got more inspired

isaura::: wanderlust says: (12:35:07 AM)

than i dropped the idea as i realised that it's v difficult to squeeze london satisfactorily into my timeline

isaura::: wanderlust says: (12:35:23 AM)

after that, i msned with my mortal for advice, and he suggested hanoi

isaura::: wanderlust says: (12:35:24 AM)

=)

jas: irritants..dieeee! says: (12:35:51 AM)

wahhhh

jas: irritants..dieeee! says: (12:35:53 AM)

okk

jas: irritants..dieeee! says: (12:36:01 AM)

n yes london over a wkend is madness!

jas: irritants..dieeee! says: (12:36:01 AM)

hahaa

isaura::: wanderlust says: (12:36:03 AM)

so i started surfing on hanoi, looking for the cheapest air tix and hotels etc

jas: irritants..dieeee! says: (12:36:10 AM)

ohh okk

isaura::: wanderlust says: (12:36:18 AM)

hahaha waaaay too spontaneous, even crazy

isaura::: wanderlust says: (12:36:47 AM)

but i guess i should do that at least once in my lifetime, get rid of the inertia in my life

isaura::: wanderlust says: (12:36:55 AM)

after all, i need to clear my leave

isaura::: wanderlust says: (12:36:56 AM)

haha!

jas: irritants..dieeee! says: (12:37:00 AM)

wahahhahaa

jas: irritants..dieeee! says: (12:37:09 AM)

why are u feeling about dflhagflenagfo abt life

isaura::: wanderlust says: (12:37:18 AM)

duno leh `dunno

jas: irritants..dieeee! says: (12:37:32 AM)

ive never taken a solo trip bef too but it sounds fun. always wanted to do it!

isaura::: wanderlust says: (12:37:32 AM)

getting too routine, i suppose?

isaura::: wanderlust says: (12:38:15 AM)

i've always wanted to do it too!! i tot of doing that for my 21st birthday... but never got anywhere near to actually doing it.

isaura::: wanderlust says: (12:38:24 AM)

but now, i'm thinking, if not now, WHEN?!?!

isaura::: wanderlust says: (12:38:29 AM)

weeee~

isaura::: wanderlust says: (12:38:54 AM)

(ap)

isaura::: wanderlust says: (12:39:10 AM)

i guess hanoi should be pretty, erm, innocuous to start with?

isaura::: wanderlust says: (12:39:12 AM)

right?? `yes

isaura::: wanderlust says: (12:39:25 AM)

based on your experience?

jas: irritants..dieeee! says: (12:39:33 AM)

yepppp

jas: irritants..dieeee! says: (12:39:37 AM)

its relaly really nicee

Early this week, work and life became rather overwhelming for me, and getting to know that my parents were returning to KL for Qingming without me was the last straw. So I SMSed Eric, "i guess i'll still take leave next wkend n go somewhere, maybe bali or smtg. Wana get away for awhile." I suggest that he should take some time off next week (which is the actual Qingming weekend) from his hectic work for a breather together. He told me that he needed to check with his boss to confirm.

However, strangely but slowly, I find my mind constanting revisiting the idea of travelling next week throughout my shift duty that night. More, I came across an ST article during my break about the Pound working on our favour to the extent that it is possible to plan a 5D4N trip to London spending under S$100 per day.

My rigorous brain activity carried on even after I reported off the next morning, reached home and had my lunch. I kept thinking about where I can go next weekend. After that, I SMSed Eric and told him, "even if u can't take leave, I guess i'll still go ahead. I haven't tried travelling alone after all." That evening, I MSNed Weilun for advice and suggestion, and Hanoi came up. I then asked Jasmine (who has been there) whether Hanoi sounds like an ok place go on my own. By then, I could hardly contain myself.

Over the next 2 days, I tried to read up online about Hanoi and its hotels etc., and worked out a rough plan on the interesting places that I would want to visit if I go there. I even read up on Halong Bay, that is a 3-hour bus ride from Hanoi. Last night, the abovementioned MSN conversation took place between Jasmine and me, and I could hardly sleep the whole night, thinking non-stop about where I wanted to go and how I wanted to go about them.

Today, Eric SMSed me (during his D&D) that all his colleagues told him to take leave so he could take Friday and Monday off, and he asked me where I wanted to go. I wondered to myself, would that be enough for my Hanoi plan? After much deliberation, I asked him over SMS,

"Actually dear, wld u be surprised if I tell u tt i'm really ok with going there alone?"

"No i know you want to go alone . . Haha . . But, maybe another time yeah. . We go somewhere to bum like bali, koh samui, etc. ."

By then, I had so much energy in me. So I said,

"Hmmm... I duno how to describe wat i'm thinking... Dear, how abt we discuss this after your dnd?"

So we did. I tried to describe to him how I felt about next weekend, and we had a half-hour talk even though he has to wake up about 5 hours later. The conclusion?

"Good night dear! I am very supportive of you going abroad alone as long as u have e confidence to do it baby... Just do it yeah, we will go dive in Bali another time."

So this is it, if my CO gives the green light when I check with him tomorrow, I'm gonna book my ticket.

I don't really know what's gone into me, but this is by far my strongest wanderlust. I've never travelled alone and neither have I felt such a powerful urge to do so until this week.

Quoting my earlier MSN conversation with Weilun:

isaura::: wanderlust says: (3:10:17 AM)

i envy u you know, and i was right

isaura::: wanderlust says: (3:12:35 AM)

u're born to travel

isaura::: wanderlust says: (3:13:23 AM)

you're not born to (neither will u be content with) stay at one place

isaura::: wanderlust says: (3:13:40 AM)

oops i'm musing

lun. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vsEg22QXIs4 says: (3:14:13 AM)

im beginning to think this is so

lun. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vsEg22QXIs4 says: (3:14:21 AM)

but why would u envy me

isaura::: wanderlust says: (3:14:51 AM)

awww c'mon. u're only now beginning to think this is so?

isaura::: wanderlust says: (3:14:54 AM)

;P

isaura::: wanderlust says: (3:15:42 AM)

i envy u cos by now, u wld've seen and experienced many different things, many of which i may not encounter in my lifetime, or even know of

lun. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vsEg22QXIs4 says: (3:15:53 AM)

sigh

lun. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vsEg22QXIs4 says: (3:15:57 AM)

but it's a romantic notion

lun. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vsEg22QXIs4 says: (3:16:00 AM)

u can't do much with it

lun. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vsEg22QXIs4 says: (3:16:07 AM)

i mean to travel all over the world

isaura::: wanderlust says: (3:16:28 AM)

actually, i now think that there is a correlation between travelling and courage

isaura::: wanderlust says: (3:16:43 AM)

or rather, the willingness to break out of one's comfort zone

isaura::: wanderlust says: (3:17:05 AM)

and rip oneself out of routine and monotony

isaura::: wanderlust says: (3:17:40 AM)

at least that's how i see it when i conceived the idea this week that i'd be travelling the next

isaura::: wanderlust says: (3:18:05 AM)

conversely, i don't see anything that romantic about travelling

isaura::: wanderlust says: (3:18:17 AM)

i see it as a challenge

lun. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vsEg22QXIs4 says: (3:18:36 AM)

true...

lun. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vsEg22QXIs4 says: (3:18:44 AM)

true that is

So there you have it. Come next week, I'm going to take my one of my biggest plunges and venture out, in search of the once-spontaneous me who had 6 ear piercings at one go when I suddenly felt like doing it, the me who claimed to "live my life as I want to (oh well most of the time)".

The missing part of me.

P/S. I'm finally back after so long!

This is my grown-up Christmas list.

Grown-up Christmas List

by Amy Grant

Do you remember me?
I sat upon your knee;
I wrote to you
With childhood fantasies.

Well, I'm all grown-up now,
And still need help somehow (can you still help somehow)
I'm not a child,
But my heart still can dream.

So here's my lifelong wish,
My grown-up christmas list
Not for myself,
But for a world in need

No more lives torn apart,
That wars would never start, (and wars would never start)
And time would heal all hearts
And everyone would have a friend,
And right would always win,
And love would never end
This is my grown-up christmas list

As children we believed
The grandest sight to see
Was something lovely
Wrapped beneath our tree (wrapped beneath the tree)

Well heaven surely knows
That packages and bows
Can never heal
A hurting human soul

No more lives torn apart,
That wars would never start,
And time would heal all hearts
And everyone would have a friend,
And right would always win,
And love would never end
This is my grown-up christmas list

What is this illusion called the innocence of youth?
Maybe only in our blind belief can we ever find the truth.
(there'd be)

No more lives torn apart,
That wars would never start,
And time would heal all hearts.
And everyone would have a friend,
And right would always win,
And love would never end, oh...
This is my grown-up christmas list

This is my grown-up christmas list.

About the song:

"Grown-Up Christmas List" (sometimes titled "My Grown Up Christmas List") is a Christmas song composed by David Foster (music) and Linda Thompson-Jenner (lyrics), and originally recorded by Foster (with singer Natalie Cole on vocals) for Foster's 1990 non-holiday album River of Love. Even though it was also released as a single, the song was not a hit upon its first appearance. In 1992, however, Amy Grant recorded a version for her second holiday album, Home for Christmas. Grant's version featured altered lyrics and an additional verse that Grant penned herself. Her record label at the time, A&M Records, promoted the song as the second single from the album. A&M Records also released a music video for the song, featuring an appearance by Grant's son, Matthew Chapman. Grant's version is the one most people associate with the song.
The heartfelt song is about a visit with Santa Claus by an adult who does not ask Santa for anything material for Christmas, but rather nothing but good things for humanity.

Source: Wikipedia (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Grown_Up_Christmas_List)

[I happened to hear this song on my iPod while on the way to Orchard to shop for my ROM heels, and I heard the same song again while I was browsing around at Tangs. I heard it for the 3rd time when I returned to Tangs to pick up my chosen pair of shoes. And loved the song for its simple yet poignant message that seemed rather befitting for this period of uncertainty and fear.]

Happy birthday to me.

I would like to thank the following people for their birthday wellwishes in person, via SMS or phone call, through Facebook or Friendster etc. (The list is not exhaustive):

Rongren, Junxian, Eric & his parents, Aziemah, Ghim Lay, Libing, Bunny, Huilin, Xinhui, Damien, Junbin, Zhi Yan, JJ, Eugene Phng, Ai Ling, Weishan, Herman, Malcolm, Kenneth Tan "Jian Huo", Alvin, Thomas, Huina, Shilin, Yusof, Roy, Liza, Chee Keong, Xian Hui, Jasmine aka Ah Teo, Yixian, Lam Yarn, Sui Lee, Lianyu, Kee Kiat, David Chey, Shulin, Shu Hui, Siming, Evelyn, Clare Lee, Pamela Lee, Alan Chai, Michelle Chen, Raymond Chua, Alex Lee, Cunzheng, Rayyan, Edwin Choong, Sean, Louis Lou, Alicia, Junette, Elreno, Jeff, Hoe, Shariel, Ariffin, Arif, Safarin, Asrul, my CO, Chain Ying, Adam, James and Weilun. 

My birthday celebration is much more nondescript compared to those in previous years, where I was either away in camp (e.g. CIBTC, OBTC), abroad (Taipei, Brunei) or in the midst of other events (e.g. Make A Wish Foundation when I was in C-Course). This year, there was no fanfare, no elaborate surprises, not even a proper birthday cake. Just the warm thoughts that my loved ones are around me and my life is in equilibrium.

Frankly, these two are the best gifts I can ask for, aren't they? :)